06/02/13 Tales From... The Archive

Food Glorious Food!


I do love breakfast. I say that as a person without a proper job, which means breakfast can be leisurely and indulgent. I don’t remember loving breakfast so much when it meant smashing a piece of toast into my face as I ran for the bus.

Ah those heady days when I had a regular 9 to 5 job. I’ll be honest with you, I could no more do a 9 to 5 job now than I could listen to Rhianna’s album all the way through. It would probably kill me. Lunch was a shining beacon in an otherwise depressing and soulless day. If you’ve ever had to sell ‘space’ yes I sold advertising SPACE to people, you’ll know that the only way to get through your working day is to obsess about the minutiae of your life. When is my next cup of tea? Should I go to the toilet before or after this phone call? Why is Linda Baring wearing a black bra with a cream chiffon blouse? In fact, why is she wearing a cream chiffon blouse, it’s 2001 for crying out loud.

The only other way to survive is to become heavily dependent on alcohol and/or Class A drugs. I settled for alcohol as the idea of snorting anything off a public cistern has always made me queasy. Also drugs are bad blah blah blah. People in sales have a reputation of being a boozy bunch and I’m not going to lie, when I worked in sales I drank. A lot. The reason why people in sales drink at lunch time is because if they had to do their job sober they’d be self harming with a pack of post-it notes by 3pm.

So other than the moment when I could actually go home, my lunch break was the highlight of my day which otherwise was only broken up by occasional trips to the photocopier and lengthy visits to the toilet. You know your job is dull when you get excited about the prospect of a mid day dump.

These days I get just as excited about my lunch break. It makes no difference if I’m at home, traveling to a gig or holed up in a hotel in a town I’ve never heard of. When 1pm arrives I’m thinking about food. Why? Because I like food! In fact it’s the one part of my day that I can legitimately go ahead and stuff my face without the guilt. We’ve agreed as a society that lunchtime is the correct time to be eating, which unfortunately can’t be said for my 11am biscuit, my 12pm latte, my 2pm pack of crisps and my 4pm slice of Banana cake. These times are arbitrary and therefore meant for abstinence.  WHO MADE THESE BLOODY RULES?

My days are punctuated by treats, snacks, meals, hot drinks, cold drinks, luke warm drinks, ok nobody likes a luke warm drink but you get the idea. These little tid bits help me get through my day. I’m not interested in buying the latest technology or the most fashionable item of clothing. But what I do want is good food on tap ALL THE TIME. There, I’ve said it. I’M GREEDY. I want poached eggs in the morning and salt beef for lunch, I want prawn risotto for dinner and a big fat glass of red wine with every meal! In the time it’s taken me to write these 613 words I will have eaten a frittata with bacon, peppers and mushrooms, a tuna salad, three biscuits, two coffees and half a dozen walnuts (don’t ask.) It’s been a good day. In other news I urgently need to join the gym.

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