I recently found a list I’d made in my twenties. It was a list of all the things I wanted to achieve by the time I was 30. Here’s just a few of those dreams/achievements: A girlfriend My own car A mortgage A successful career Children Celebrity status (Ha Ha! I know … hilarious)

 A pension

At 36, here’s what I actually have:

A girlfriend

I’ll be honest with you if I don’t sort out the other stuff quick smart its unlikely she’ll be sticking round for much longer.

The truth is that if you don’t have kids or a shit hot career your life can seem pretty pointless to almost everyone. Especially people with kids and a shit hot career, they’re the worst, “Come on Jen! At least you’ve got your…you know …at least you’ve got…your… feet.” Thanks for that, you’re right of course, I do have feet and I’m grateful that they’ve stuck around for this long. Still, you can’t turn up at a party or social function only to be grilled by some pissed twat you’ve never met before about YOUR LIFE only to reply, “Yeah, well I’m really happy with my life…why? Well I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve got feet mate… that’s it really. Just a great pair of feet. So, not really worried about money, career, a house, kids, savings, a life, cause I have… feet. Nice talking to you…”

I realise that I’m not alone in my personal disappointment. I have other friends who despite their amazing careers, flat screen TVs, children, four wheel drives, life partners and SMEG fridges like to tell me how lucky I am, “You’re the lucky one Jen, you’re a free spirit!” “Am I?” “Yes and its great that you’re following your dream, remember its not about success…” “ I think it is” “It’s about the journey! And you’re on the journey of your DREAMS!” I’ll be honest with you, when I was twenty something and still had dreams they didn’t involve me driving to Newcastle for £80 to try and make 12 dunk people laugh who are happy to tell me that ‘they were expecting a bloke.” My dreams back in the day were a bit bigger…

But life isn’t just about what you’ve achieved is it? Is it? No seriously…is it? I’m hoping its about bigger things like love…and…empathy and…caring… and Radio 4. I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I do think I need to create a new focus and give someone or something my attention and unconditional love. I see my friends with their kids/pets and they look so happy and in love with their respective child/dog/cat/chicken. I’m thinking as a means of growing as a human being that I too should undertake looking after something with a pulse. Care for it. Nurture it. Watch it die…I mean grow…and once it’s grown, watch it die… I mean continue to nurture it… I keep confusing pets/people with basil plants.

So, I’m not going to go on about it anymore. I’m going to head out into the wide blue yonder (Archway) and take on some responsibility. Something that relies on me… (is it me or is it getting hot in here…?) Something that can’t stay alive without my love and attention…(Honestly I really am burning up. I’m going to have to open a window…) Something that needs me! (Oh God I need to lie down…) Maybe I’ll just start with the basil plant and see how I go from there…